If I posted the entire story people who really know me would know so I will skip to the end of the book and share the happiness that I found.

My husband of 5 years was a bachelor before I married him. He was only engaged once twelve years ago but sadly she passed away. He is a military vet who fought the doctors and tests after being injured to not be qualified as disabled. He does his best to mask his pain. While he was being a bachelor I was in a horrible marriage complete with psycho in laws who my ex-husband did not protect our kids or I from. How could he when he was buried in the bottle.

My husband and I met about eleven years ago. I knew the second his hand shook mine he would change my life one day. I didn't know that he secretly loved me for years. Had he known what I was going through he says he would of. No one really knew. They saw a woman working 3 jobs, going to school, fighting in-laws and thought a strong woman. How was anyone to know the damage that was being done.

Eventually I got my ex a job, we moved, but he wasn't interested in me or the kids much. His thoughts were among other people and floating in rum or whatever he could drink. His job also kept him gone 5 days a week. 5 days a week we weren't in hell. I knew he had a new GF. My husband and I started to talk more. I thought it was in my head that I was just seeking comfort but it wasn't.

He loved me more everyday and kept quiet until one day he and my ex went to the store. My ex complained about me. They got back my now husband and I went to a different store but had the same conversation. Came home my husband said my ex and I should talk we did ten minutes later Divorce was decided.

My husband seized the day pulled me aside talked to me and now here we are. It took all his savings and A lot of love, patience and understanding but he did it all. The three kids live with us full time. I couldn't of dreamed a better ending.

He also has helped my kids heal from everything they have been through. He says I saved him and calmed his PTSD and gave him a home and a place, a family but he is the real hero. My knight in shining armor.

After Bible Study

Have you ever had a crush that felt monumental?

Not like puppy love or that giggly-girl crush but something that made your skin tingle? He was beautiful multi-colored eyes and a mischievous smile. He was that boy that makes you glad you're a girl. He was tall and kind and, for a moment, he was mine. I could feel it when he walked into a room. I'd never felt physical desire like that. Like a punch to the gut, if a punch to the gut could be pleasant. This wasn't butterflies in your stomach this was a stampede of horses in your chest. It was horrible and glorious, all at once.

Because I was that girl, the girl that guys were friends with, the tom boy, the one that all the guys liked, but didn't LIKE, if you get my drift. And there were moments when I though he felt the same. Conversations between the two of us had an edge. Not like flirting but more like meaning. That our words were loaded with more than just consonants and vowels.

I remember that night, there was a storm. The power went out and all the teenagers were down in my sister and I's room talking and waiting for the power to come back on. The conversation turned to guy/girl dynamics, as they are wont to when you have young people of the opposite sex together. He said, 'A guy always knows when a girl likes him.' While saying this he was looking directly at me. I felt emboldened so I grinned and said, 'Is that right?' He smiled back and said yes.

I remember thinking that this was finally it, he was going to say something, anything, and what had been wishing and dreaming and insubstantial but so incredibly there, would become an actual reality. I would no longer be that girl, I would be a girl someone liked, heck, a girl someone would maybe one day love.

But the conversation continued and he made another statement: That if the guy liked a girl back, he acted on it.

He never acted on it. Never.

You know that feeling when hope dies? The sinking, slow death that makes your stomach hurt and your eyes ache? That dagger to your chest when you realize that maybe it was just in your head all along and maybe you'll always be that girl?