In the Dark

It's funny how your mind drifts when it's supposed to be awake, but snaps to high alert when it's time to sleep.

That's when it hits me. It crushes the life out of me. Dread bearing almost physical weight. Overwhelmed. Inadequate. Insufficient. Desperate. Drowning. Nothing can rescue me from the dark but myself.

I'm a strong woman, like many of you, but sometimes I crumple in the quiet of the night; bent under the weight of my worry. My loved ones are peacefully sleeping, but I'll stay wide awake, waiting for the daylight so I can breathe again.


For the last ten years I have been battling depression and bulimia. I've never said the words out loud to anyone. Ever. Not my husband, not my parents, not my best friend. I know they all know. How could they not? I always want to tell them. To thank them for getting me through it time and time again. For taking care of me and for loving me even when I was unable to take care of myself. I wouldn't be here writing this if it weren't for them. 

Thank you.

I love you.

I'm still here.

In My Head

I feel everything around me. Sometimes I can tell what your next move will be or how you feel and react to a given situation. It can be extremely overwhelming.

I'm getting better at blocking stuff out or just removing myself from the situation when I can't. I try not to talk about it much, I'm trying to figure this thing out, I try not to pay it too much attention.

I don't want to be that crazy girl you know.