Tyler, Texas

Tyler is the snobbiest town. You make one mistake, no matter how well meaning and you are ostrasized by the entire community. I have been feeling suicidal over a mistake that I made and have absolutely no one to turn to. I can't even make a decision or a choice without everyone weighing in their opinion or getting mad at me. I wish people could learn to be more compassionate. I have nobody.

My Parents Room

I was 12 years old the first time I thought about killing myself. I walked into my parents room for some mundane purpose and suddenly remembered that my stepdad kept a hunting rifle in the closet. I wondered if it was loaded, or if anyone would hear me. I wondered who would find me. I didn't want to leave a mess. 

That thought kept me alive for a long time. Once, many years later, I tried to kill myself with a different gun in my parents' room. It was not loaded. 

As an adult, I don't keep guns in my house. I still think of killing myself sometimes. It's just a weird mental tic I live with.