I once gave a homeless man at a gas station a dollar. He then grabbed me and shoved his tongue in my mouth. He tried to drag me behind the building. I remember thinking this is it, he is going to rape me. I thought all those moments when I tried to mentally prepare myself for how I would not let myself be that victim. But I froze. I was so afraid. I fought back but he was three times my size. I couldn't preform any of the things I thought I could in my head. I couldn't throw dirt in his eyes because my arms were pinned. I couldn't scream because his mouth was covering mine. I couldn't kick him because my legs were pinned.
And no one did anything to help me.
I felt helpless. I felt agony. I felt myself disappearing. And then he just let go. He let go and walked away laughing. He didn't rape me. I will never understand why he did what he did. Why he let go. Why anyone would do this to someone. He simply climbed off of me and stumbled away.
I never called the police. I just got in my car and drove home. Statistics say one in five women have been the victims of sexual assault. I'm a middle aged woman. I was assaulted as a young girl, I was almost assaulted again. I think the statistics are higher. I think there is a part of us that gives way to a sort of reservation. That at the end of it all there is nothing we can really do to stop it, or change it.
I felt like a coward. I was so afraid. I always thought, I won't be that woman who doesn't report it. But here I am. I learned that what other women choose to do is only up to them. We can never shame each other. All our choices are unique. And until you are that person in those shoes standing in that moment, you don't know.
We have to be better allies to each other. We have to build one another up and never compete with each other. Tell each other how beautiful we are. Respect each other's choices and decisions. Be there for each other.