sexual assault

In the Chat Room

Once a few years ago my confidence was at an all time low. I then went onto a chat site to talk to people to boost my confidence. I would get a good number of messages from guys and that definitely made me feel good about myself. One time in particular I didn't respond to this guy who was being kind of rude to me. 

That made this guy pissed off so he searched my username on various social media sites found my pictures and decided to try to threaten me with them if I didn't give him what he wanted. The pictures he had of me weren't bad pictures but he would take a picture of me and then on the other half of the picture would take a girl of my same stature nude and claim that was me. Since I wouldn't give him what he wanted (which was actual inappropriate pictures of me) he decided to post those pictures he had created of me and post them on a revenge porn site along with my information including where I lived. 

He also had one of my social media sites directly linked to the site I was on. He told me all of this would go away and he would take the pictures down if I would just give him what he wanted. And if I didn't he would tell my parents. One thing he didn't know was that I was extremely close with my parents so I told them as soon as this stuff started happening. My family and I took this issue to the police but they did nothing. 

Now almost two years later I'm still dealing with the repercussions of that incident. But ive learned several things from that experience. I've learned to put my social media sites on the highest privacy setting as possible. I've learned not to talk to people I don't know online because there are some sick people out there. And most importantly I've learned not to let someone bully me into doing something I don't want to do. I've also learned that no matter how bad the situation is there are still people out there to help you get through it! 

Hopefully this encourages people in some way!

Behind the Gas Station

I once gave a homeless man at a gas station a dollar. He then grabbed me and shoved his tongue in my mouth. He tried to drag me behind the building. I remember thinking this is it, he is going to rape me. I thought all those moments when I tried to mentally prepare myself for how I would not let myself be that victim. But I froze. I was so afraid. I fought back but he was three times my size. I couldn't preform any of the things I thought I could in my head. I couldn't throw dirt in his eyes because my arms were pinned. I couldn't scream because his mouth was covering mine. I couldn't kick him because my legs were pinned. 

And no one did anything to help me.

I felt helpless. I felt agony. I felt myself disappearing. And then he just let go. He let go and walked away laughing. He didn't rape me. I will never understand why he did what he did. Why he let go. Why anyone would do this to someone. He simply climbed off of me and stumbled away. 

I never called the police. I just got in my car and drove home. Statistics say one in five women have been the victims of sexual assault. I'm a middle aged woman. I was assaulted as a young girl, I was almost assaulted again. I think the statistics are higher. I think there is a part of us that gives way to a sort of reservation. That at the end of it all there is nothing we can really do to stop it, or change it. 

I felt like a coward. I was so afraid. I always thought, I won't be that woman who doesn't report it. But here I am. I learned that what other women choose to do is only up to them. We can never shame each other. All our choices are unique. And until you are that person in those shoes standing in that moment, you don't know. 

We have to be better allies to each other. We have to build one another up and never compete with each other. Tell each other how beautiful we are. Respect each other's choices and decisions. Be there for each other.