In the Chat Room

Once a few years ago my confidence was at an all time low. I then went onto a chat site to talk to people to boost my confidence. I would get a good number of messages from guys and that definitely made me feel good about myself. One time in particular I didn't respond to this guy who was being kind of rude to me. 

That made this guy pissed off so he searched my username on various social media sites found my pictures and decided to try to threaten me with them if I didn't give him what he wanted. The pictures he had of me weren't bad pictures but he would take a picture of me and then on the other half of the picture would take a girl of my same stature nude and claim that was me. Since I wouldn't give him what he wanted (which was actual inappropriate pictures of me) he decided to post those pictures he had created of me and post them on a revenge porn site along with my information including where I lived. 

He also had one of my social media sites directly linked to the site I was on. He told me all of this would go away and he would take the pictures down if I would just give him what he wanted. And if I didn't he would tell my parents. One thing he didn't know was that I was extremely close with my parents so I told them as soon as this stuff started happening. My family and I took this issue to the police but they did nothing. 

Now almost two years later I'm still dealing with the repercussions of that incident. But ive learned several things from that experience. I've learned to put my social media sites on the highest privacy setting as possible. I've learned not to talk to people I don't know online because there are some sick people out there. And most importantly I've learned not to let someone bully me into doing something I don't want to do. I've also learned that no matter how bad the situation is there are still people out there to help you get through it! 

Hopefully this encourages people in some way!

Middle School Cafeteria

I was, like the rest of us, tortured in Middle School. It was horrible. Own of these experiences that made those years so bad is also the one that made me a woman. 

I only attended one school dance ever. 

I chose an outfit that I thought was pretty cool, not a normal flirty dress and heals like the others girls. But, this decision would prove to be a wonderful thing. I had a blast, danced all night long. But, when it came time to leave, something was wrong. I stood around waiting for my mother to pick me up, talking with everyone I had just spent the night dancing with. But, they were acting weird. I figured, “Eh, they are probably just tired or something.” Nope, it was me.

I got home to realize, in horror, I had started my period for the first time at the dance. Lucky for me, it wasn’t so noticeable because of my plaid pants. But, you could see the stain across the back. How embarrassing?! I realized everyone was acting strangely towards me because they saw the stain once we left the dark cafeteria. They were judging me. I felt utterly disgusting.

I never wore those pants again. I never went to another school dance. I have never been the same. 

To this day, as a much older woman, I am terrified of a menstrual leak, a stain on my pants.

At his house

On Valentine's Day, D.T. asked me to go to dinner with him. I was 16. He was nearly 30. He took me to a bar, not a restaurant. We drank rum until I was well beyond in control of myself.

I was 16.

We went back to his house and he injected speed which I'd never seen before and he offered to inject me. I refused but did Inhale some. He started kissing me, then he was biting me and scratching me and I could tell he was going to leave marks on me.

I was 16.

I tried to make him stop. Finally I started crying when his hands were under my blouse and inside my bra. That finally made him stop. I was 16. I was literally wet all over my face and throat from his slobbery kissing and sucking. I sat on the porch of his house and tried to sober up and arrange myself in a way that I could go home.


I went to a fast food restaurant and washed myself off as well as I could. At home I dodged my mother and took a long hot shower trying to wash him off of me. Sixteen. I looked like if been in a car wreck, I was so bruised and covered with hickeys. It took over a week to heal up. I hid from my mother and my nanny. In turtlenecks and sweaters. He called for a long time. I wouldn't talk to him.

He sent gifts. Creepy gifts. Flowers. Silver trinkets. A fucking sweater. A perfectly creepy gift for a 16 year old girl. I heard he died of liver cancer as a by-product of hepatitis. I suppose I should be grateful he didn't rape me. I've hated him a long time.

I was that 16 year old girl that accidentally tempted a grown ass man to act like a fucking pedophile. I hope he suffered wildly.

He deserved to.

In My Dorm Room

My college boyfriend and I were having sex and he removed the condom without telling me. I was very innocent and didn't realize what was going on until after. It was only the second or third time I had ever had sex. I got pregnant. I had an abortion. Over a decade later I still run into his friends and they treat me poorly and gossip about me because they believe I was the one who hurt him in the break-up and I am too ashamed about what happened to tell them the truth. So I just live with it. He also took photos of me naked while I was sleeping. I'm ashamed of that, too. I damaged myself for years after and hurt other men who were nice to me in order to punish myself for what he did to me. He made me feel used and worthless and like I did not deserve anything good. I'm just starting to feel healthy again. Sort of.

Whoever is reading this, you're good enough. No matter what you have done or who you are, you are worth everything. You deserve everything. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself love.