In My Mind

I became pregnant in Dec of last year. Me a mother of two, married for 13 years. Me a woman who suffers from General Anxiety Disorder. Me an emotional empath who can be a basket case. Me a trauma filled "little girl" in the body of a 34 year old. Me who spends all of her life in her own fantasy of wants. Me the one who suffers from mental health issues due to hormonal imbalances. Me the one who chose to choose my mental health over another life. I chose myself, for once I chose myself first. I had an abortion that January. It was a trauma that was the ending to my beginning. The beginning of myself. Of me the woman who learned how to love herself

In My Dorm Room

My college boyfriend and I were having sex and he removed the condom without telling me. I was very innocent and didn't realize what was going on until after. It was only the second or third time I had ever had sex. I got pregnant. I had an abortion. Over a decade later I still run into his friends and they treat me poorly and gossip about me because they believe I was the one who hurt him in the break-up and I am too ashamed about what happened to tell them the truth. So I just live with it. He also took photos of me naked while I was sleeping. I'm ashamed of that, too. I damaged myself for years after and hurt other men who were nice to me in order to punish myself for what he did to me. He made me feel used and worthless and like I did not deserve anything good. I'm just starting to feel healthy again. Sort of.

Whoever is reading this, you're good enough. No matter what you have done or who you are, you are worth everything. You deserve everything. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself love.